Actress Nikki DeLoach is one of Hallmark’s most beloved stars — not only for the roles she’s played in dozens of feel-good movies onscreen but for the ways she’s vulnerably and publicly navigated hardship offscreen.
Known for being a tireless volunteer and voice for organizations like Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles and the Alzheimer’s Association, both places DeLoach’s family has leaned on in hard times, the social butterfly knows all too well what it’s like to have one’s wings clipped by grief.
In 2017, DeLoach’s dad was diagnosed with a form of dementia called Pick’s disease the same week she learned that her second child, Bennett, would be born with life-threatening congenital heart defects that required three lifesaving surgeries. The trauma of those experiences and her dad’s death in 2021 was excruciatingly hard, especially during the holiday season, DeLoach told EntertainmentNOW. But she hopes to be a light for others struggling to get through “the most wonderful time of year.”
“The holidays can be really, really, really hard,” DeLoach acknowledged. “When you have such a ginormous, earth-shattering loss that happens in your life, how do you even begin to put the pieces of that together?”
In EntertainmentNOW’s exclusive conversation with the “Curious Caterer” star, she offered four powerful pieces of advice for those feeling the weight of grief as 2024 winds to a close.
Nikki DeLoach Advises People Facing Difficult Holidays to ‘Be Wherever You Are’
DeLoach, who just starred in her ninth Hallmark Christmas movie — “Our Holiday Story” co-starring Warren Christie — told EntertainmentNOW that one of the reasons she loves her job so much is that she knows her movies often serve as a form of escape and respite for people facing hard things.
“You get to disappear into a world where everything is going to be okay, where there’s always a happy ending,” DeLoach said. “But in real life, we don’t always feel that, and we don’t always get that.”
“I remember the first (year) after my dad had passed, I did not want to celebrate Christmas,” DeLoach revealed. “I did not want to celebrate anything to be honest, that first year after he passed. It felt like I was in a total fog, like quicksand, and it took every ounce of my being just to put one foot in front of the other. The world as I knew it had changed forever.”
“The way that I described it was like somebody took a baseball bat to my Self, all the pieces that
make up my Self,” DeLoach explained. “And I was trying to reach out and kind of pick up the pieces for that first year or two — the pieces of myself that were scattered everywhere.”
DeLoach said one way she coped that first Christmas after her dad’s death was to immerse herself, whenever possible, in her two sons’ delight in the season. At the same time, she made sure to honor the hard feelings that would inevitably rise up.
“I had children, so I had to get up and I had to do the thing,” DeLoach recalled of that Christmas morning, “but I was really proud of myself. What I did not do was pretend like everything was okay. You know, I was there with my kids, I delighted in them with Santa, and I coveted that precious time. But one thing I learned to do on anniversaries and holidays, and this would be a piece of advice that I would share, is be wherever you are.”
“Our number one job is to not betray ourselves,” DeLoach explained, noting that stuffing down difficult feelings rather than being honest about them can lead to burnout, resentment, and frustration. “What that means is not to betray our spirit and our soul, wherever we are on our journey. Honor that. Be compassionate towards yourself. Be honest with yourself. And that will actually help you to get to the joy and the light quicker.”
Nikki DeLoach Has Found Ways to Honor Those She’s Lost While Tending to Her Own Needs
HallmarkIn addition to learning to honor her feelings during times of deep grief, a theme she was able to broach in her 2022 holiday movie “The Gift of Peace” with Brennan Elliott, DeLoach told EntertainmentNOW that she’s found solace in honoring loved ones who are no longer alive.
“My dad loved Christmas,” DeLoach said, remembering how he would be up waiting for her and her siblings on Christmas morning. “We’d come out of our bedrooms, he’d have the video camera going. He was just a kid in a candy store on Christmas. And I have found on holidays, especially on anniversaries like the anniversary of his passing, there are ways now that I honor him. Doing things that he used to do that I bring into our traditions … telling stories about him to my kids about what he used to do on Christmas morning.
The third piece of advice DeLoach offered to those navigating grief was not to let others dictate a timetable or “right way” to do it. Married for 15 years to Ryan Goodell, DeLoach admitted, “My husband did not handle my grief well at all. And it was really hard on our marriage. It was really hard on me. Obviously, we worked through it … He just kept wanting me to get over it and be okay, but I was very clear with him, ‘This is not your journey. This is my journey.'”
“I kept being true to myself and doing what I needed to do to take care of myself,” DeLoach said, acknowledging that it’s a hard step for someone who’s always been a people pleaser. “You grieve on your own time. You honor where you’re at in the process, and you don’t let anybody else tell you where you need to be.”
“The last piece of advice, I would say, is to share your grief,” DeLoach told EntertainmentNOW. “Share it with someone who feels safe to you. Share it with someone that is going to hold your heart tenderly and is going to listen and also honor your loved one as well.”
In July, on the third anniversary of her dad’s death, DeLoach was away from home, filming a new “Curious Caterer” movie in Vancouver. Rather than wallow the day away alone, she said, she purposefully spent time with dear friends — “When Calls The Heart” stars Erin Krakow and Ben Rosenblum.
DeLoach said Krakow “had been so tender and compassionate towards me from the moment she heard that my dad had passed,” so she knew she’d be the “perfect person” to call on.
The trio of actors spent the morning together hiking and DeLoach said “they asked every right question: ‘What did you love to do with your dad? What was your favorite thing about your dad? What do you miss most about your dad?’ I could cry just thinking about how incredible that was. So, ask for help.”
“Ask for what you need from the people in your life that you know are going to show up for you
and be there,” DeLoach said. “That has saved me every single time.”
An encore presentation of “Our Holiday Story” airs December 16 at 8 p.m. Eastern time on Hallmark Channel.
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EXCLUSIVE: How Hallmark’s Nikki DeLoach Bravely Navigates Grief During the Holidays